I will say 'I don't know' or 'a lot of things'.
A sudden wave of emotion runs through me, and all I feel I can do is just stare pensively at the walls surrounding me. I don't know whether I'm really a tad disappointed. I suddenly lose rationality in figuring the state of my mind now but since there was some difference, I don't know whether it's right or okay to compare, and I don't even know whether those little things are important enough to be brought up.
Anyway, I feel very very enveloped and trapped in my work now. There seems to be so many things to do, and so much extra effort and time which I should put in and which I want to put in, but somewhere in my mental and physical state of lethargy is the lack of resilience to carry on for tonight.
I think feeling struggles is better than being indifferent towards things. At least those signs of struggle meant that you still care about those things/aspects of your life, that even feelings of anger, frustration and sadness could be better than feelings of indifference and sheer coldness. So it's not necessarily a bad thing to be struggling, except that when your state of mind is in intense struggle and negative emotions rule over reasoning, it's hard to convince yourself and perceive the other side of your struggle. It's a familiar thought that comes across my mind every now and then, just that I can't remember now the context in which I was thinking about hours ago. I mean to say something. Imagine if you're indifferent towards sin, towards the sense of right and wrong... that's terrible isn't it? At least struggling shows that one is still sensitive towards the sin he's done, or whatever bad or wrong thing that happened, and struggling that sin is a sign of remorse and perhaps regret, and it's a beginning that leads to repentance. Oh well, just an example.