I can easily be what you've always wanted me to be.
Extra lessons, extra lectures, extra programmes. Have been waking for school at 6am and ending school around 7pm. But 've been enjoying being a good nerdy school girl. Even right now, I am blogging from my school's lappy. I like life like this pretty much. 'm staying out from troubles. I am staying out from worries. There's perpetual stress though. But 'm getting used to the work that I will never finish. Things are so much simpler. So much better.
Seasons come and go and sometimes I look back in amazement and fear at how much things have changed. Change is both exhilarating and terrifying. And happiness needs some getting used to.
OH GOSH I CAN'T DECIDE I CAN'T THINK I CAN'T MOVE! I NEED TO FIND A SOLUTION. NO, AN ANSWER. NO, MAYBE MAYBE MAYBE ERM JUST SOMETHING TO DO RIGHT THIS INSTANCE. I NEED A BOOZE. YES. OH, NO. TOO EARLY. FUCK THE SUN YOU SHOULD GO DOWN!! PERHAPS A SWIM... NO, FATS ARE UNSIGHTLY. MOVIE? DINNER? SHOPPING? CALL BUDS. CALL MUM! GO READ A BOOK. FINISH INTERPRETER OF MELADIES. OR, GO CLEAR OFF YOUR ASSIGNMENTS. YOUR SUMMATIVE ASSESSMENTS. STOP SITTING HERE AND STOP RANTING. THIS WON'T HELP! YOU NEED TO GET OUT! GO NOW! OK OK OK. YES YES YES. PERFECT. THAT'S RIGHT. WORK! I NEED TO GET TO WORK. GREAT. IT WILL KEEP ME PERFECTLY OCCUPIED. IT WILL KEEP ME AWAY FROM YOU. IT WILL KEEP ME FROM BEING PARANOID AND CRAZY. GO ON. GO ON. CHOW FOR NOW. I MUST GO NOW.
P/S: I HOPE THERE'S MANY MANY CUSTOMERS TONIGHT SO I WOULD BE KEPT BUSY AND SO I WILL NOT END WORK EARLY.
I am for one who had committed my substantial amount of wrong-doings in my younger days. I had a very independent childhood, whereby I practically lived alone. My parents never had time for me. They were always busy with everything, except for me. I grew up teaching myself. Doing things and acting as I please. Fortunate enough, never fell into the bad extremes. But people usually don't forgive and forget what you've done. Most of them pick out the bad things about you instead of looking at your strengths. I hate it when I set my heart into doing something well, there'd always be someone there to give you their unpleasing critics. Sometimes it hurts so much it crashes all your hopes and dreams. Sometimes, it's hard to carry on. Sometimes, you even doubt yourself.
There was once, out of loneliness, I asked for a person to enter my mundane life. To fill up my empty heart, so much so that I could suffocate. I needed a person to make me feel alive and worth living for. Then this person came along, he pumped in all he had in him to me, leaving absolutly no space at all for anything else in my heart.
Now, he've left, but I guess he forgot to drain what he gave to me. My heart is still full of him. Till now, I can no longer breathe for another, I cannot love another. Not even myself. All I think about is him, but yet, he no longer thinks of me.
Oh, we said some things that we can never take back It's like a train wreck tryna hit the right track We opened up the wine and we just let it breathe, But we shoulda drank it down while it was still sweet
