I had always hoped that 'd get damn sick someday so 've got excuses to skip school and pe and cca and so people would care and concern me a little bit more. But I think I was so stupid to have had that idea. 

If I am a genius and am born intelligently, so much that I needn't study and attend lectures, yet I still can score well for tests and exams, I guess I might stick to the initial idea. But I am not. In fact, 'm a dumbass and I need to be twice as hardworking than any others because I was born extremely idiotic - really. 

If I had wondrous parents who'd believe that I have always been genuinely sick, so much that they will bring be to the Docs' each time 'm unwell, I guess I might stick to the initial idea. But they are not. In fact, they had sweared to stop bringing me to clinics because I fall sick much too often and they think 'm just looking for excuses not to go to school because 'm plain lazy to get up in the mornings. 

Hope my irritating fever and cough and flu and gastric and sore throat and all these rubbish would go away fuck soon.

My dream was blindly bright initially. I couldn't see anything.. Or there was nothing to see? Then it seemed like I had a great fall, and everything suddenly had only two colours - black and white. There were grasses, there were stones, there were christian crosses on the stones. From a distance, I saw many familiar face. They were walking through a burial ground with small steps and solemn faces. They all wore black. They all wore formally. Some cried. Some were trying hard not to cry. Nobody talked. Nobody even smiled. They were all looking down on the ground. Then, the picture zoomed in nearer. I see Dad, I see Mum. I see Bro and Sis and my uncles and aunties and every one I knew. But I don't see me; not in line with them. 

Instead, I realised that I was in the picture they held in their hands. I was the person in the picture on one of the stones.