I can see that 'm a total different person from who I used to be. I can't demand and hope for perfections anymore. The real route of my life is too off from the path I wished to take. Perhaps all of them were right, I was not being realistic. My dreams were pure fantasy. We don't always get what we wanted. I was too blind in the past and hence, I missed several chances and I know clearly, that there's no turning back at all. My hunger for fun and adventure was so humongous, it swallowed my ability to decide what's more important and not so. Don't get me wrong, 'm not saying that I regretted all the choices 've made in the past. I can say that I learnt alot more social and human mind lessons than a huge number of people of my age. Least, I know the ultimate fact that this world we're living in is utterly harsh and cruel. I can never have what I see as a perfect living anymore. I need to move on and I need to accept the changes. I have to stop day dreaming and like they said, I have to come back to reality. Good things not only don't come easy. For me, it was never even close. I don't know if I will find another or will I open up my inner self to welcome another or not. I am ready, but not set to go. I am procrastinating, yes. I don't know what I should do. Sometimes I am really frustrated. I want it to end and I don't want to carry on lying to myself, pretending nothing's wrong anymore. But the other side of me always tries to clings on. She doesn't want to let go. Is she afraid? Most probably. I guess 'm too afraid of the fall. Yet again, I know I had to feel the pain of the fall before I can move on and learn from it. I am so unsecured. 'm still worried if I fall this time, there might not be another time. What if, this time I drop, and fall, and die and never gotten another chance to stand up and search for another ever ever again?