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Let's see.. Nothing? Yes, that would be it. Exactly. Nothing. Am I still just barely participating in my own life? Why, yes, without a doubt. Am I still torn between blaming myself for everything that's wrong in the world and not giving a shit about anything at all? Seems like it. I used to be so full of questions, thoughts, worries, semi philosophic rants and other things that belongs on that shelf. I am all out. All I have left is answers. Answers that bore me to death with all their negativity, yet does not seem to bring me down. Heapfuls of solutions on how to improve life/mood/the world/whatever it might be that needs improvement, that I don't bother going through with. There is only one thing I have cared about for as long as I can remember -I can't figure that out either. Can't say I'm surprised. But I'm getting tired of it. Again? Still? I don't know. Yet it is the only thing I keep doing, no matter what might happen; repeating different answers and solutions to the "issue" to myself just to watch me not give a shit and/or fuck up in any other way, and become pissed. Embarrassed. Guilty. Apathetic. Or something else entirely, depending on the day, mood, and level of screw-up. Old news. I don't have anything good or fresh to say about this either. I have no faith that anything is about to change in any way. I have no faith in anything whatsoever. It doesn't matter. This post is such a waste; I obviously have nothing to say at all. And I don't care even the slightest bit. |
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