My mind 've been so empty, or rather, my heart's been so empty.
Though I still have thoughts running through my head constantly -they never stops- and sicknesses that wouldn't go away and fact that they still do bothers me, I think I don't care anymore.. maybe just not as much as before. I am now used to this cycle of emptiness then anxiety then lonliness then fustration then hurriedness then mildness then over and over again...

I know this period of rantless and stormlessness will not stay for good. Very soon, something big and shitty will fall on me again and I will start getting tensed and stressed and fucked up and all again. So somehow, I appreciate things the way they are right now. I am able get what I want -because there's nothing much I really want because I don't find anything really fanciful anymore. I don't update my Friendster and Blog everyday anymore, which I used to in the past. I don't care what others comment about me anymore, which I do a long time ago. I find myself saying "ah, fuck.. Whatever" more and more.. etc. etc.
or am I beginning to convince myself to accept the way things are?

Then again, I feel pretty uneasy being so tranquilize. I like things to happen and I like being amazed/surprised by things I would never think of. I adore chaos, I never believed in peace and order.

Fuck, I am (still) so weird.